The Bachelorette and Table for Two Please

Did you watch this week’s final episode of The Bachelorette? Ashley finally chose the bachelor she wants to spend the rest of her life with…and he chose her too. Even though the season started back in May and finished in August, the actual events that took place happened over a mere 6 weeks or less. If we count the actual time spent with her now fiancé, JP, we might even say it happened in less than 48 hours or perhaps 24 hours. And wow, where did these life long, you are my soul mate for life, events take place – in perfectly choreographed, exquisitely selected destinations like fancy restaurants, beaches, helicopters, nightclubs, resorts, and skyscrapers around the world (just to name a few). And wow, the number of bachelors Ashley fell for in just the same short amount of time, who were perfect for her, ranged anywhere from 6 at a time to 2 before she finally chose the one her sister didn’t think was right for her in the real world.

So why are we talking about how quickly and where Ashley found her soul mate in a blog about the Internet? Many of us have been lulled into using the power of technology and its ability to connect us quickly to replace the power of true human interaction that develops into the true human bond over long periods of time. We text instead of calling, we email instead of visiting, we IM instead of dropping by, and we order online instead of going to the mall with friends to stroll, chat, and gossip. Ashley did something very similar when she used the perfect dates, the perfect scenery, the perfect food, the perfect beaches, the perfect hotels and hot tubs, and the perfect resorts in place of the slowly orchestrated music that comes from a courtship choreographed over time.

Isn’t it time that we all power down, slow down, and breath in the world around us – the real world full of real people with real stories to be told and passed on to those who follow-us?

Until next time when you go online and read another article from me, enjoy some special time with someone special. Table for two please.

See also Hemu’s other blogs on The Bachelorette here.

The Bachelorette and the Creepy Masked Bachelor

Did you see The Bachelorette last night? One of the bachelors has been wearing a creepy looking black mask under the guise that Ashley, our bachelorette, should judge him based on what is on the inside and not the outside. She should listen to his words spoken, his statements made. She should do everything she can to avoid judging a book by its cover. The fallacy of this bachelor’s proposal is that he has put on a big evil looking mask to cover the book that is him – a mask that hides the wrinkles that might appear when he smiles, the confidence his face might exude when speaking about himself, the reaction his face may have when she speaks to him about her goals and desires. All of these things combined would have showcased this bachelor as the person he is and helped determine whether Ashley would feel a connection worth a rose. And yet, this masked bachelor insists that he is a decent human being with a heartwarming story to tell. In essence, he insists that Ashley should trust him.

So why are we talking about the creepy mask of this unknown bachelor? Whether you are dating online or just using the Internet for many of its other purposes – emailing, shopping, connecting with friends, sharing photos – you can become the unsuspecting prey of a criminal who sits masked by a computer screen destined to gain your trust. Once trusted, this criminal may want to meet you for a private encounter that turns tragic, may want you to update your bank info to protect your savings account, may want you to click on a link to a really cool site that has a drive by download (virus waiting to infect your computer), may want to sell you something that is really nothing in exchange for your credit card number. Every step of the way, this person will want you to trust without showing you the lines on his face, the whites of his eyes, or the undulations of his voice. He will want you to trust this book without a cover. Will you do it?

Let’s see what lessons about the digital world next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings to us.

Until then, just remember – don’t trust a book without a cover.

The Bachelorette and The Illusion of Reality

Did you watch this week’s episode of The Bachelorette? Ashley and the remaining three bachelors escaped to the Fiji Islands, one of the most perfect vacation spots in the world, where Ashley talked repeatedly about just how perfect everything was there. She even talked about just how perfect each bachelor was for her and just how perfect their final dates were (except of course Constantine who decided that despite the perfection, he wasn’t feeling it for Ashley). With every scene we heard the word perfect more times than we heard the word amazing in the previous episodes. Ashley also talked about how protected she felt in her perfect surroundings. And amidst all this talk of perfection, Ashley set about to make one of the most important decisions of her life, her real life – a life that would not be protected by the perfection of the beautifully isolated Fiji Islands.

Including visiting cialis bathtub meme sites of interest and in many does generic cialis work cases a lack of privacy in the internet. Input, listens to cialis dosing what.

So why are we talking about the most perfect vacation spot in the world in an article about the Internet? In numerous ways, Ashley’s comments about the Fiji Islands and how protected and perfect she felt there could have just as well been about the Internet.

Again and again, we go online with the sense that we are entering a protected space where everything can be perfect. We feel a sense of security that empowers us to make decisions online that will affect our real lives. We do it often based on whatever ‘perfect’ reality is either presented to us or we have chosen to imagine. And we feel quite protected when we do. But sooner or later, our decisions online affect our lives offline. Recognizing, understanding, and then being keenly aware of this fact might be perhaps one of the greatest challenges of the digital century. Every step we take, every decision we make online will live with us offline, sometimes forever.

So, next time you go online to interact with others and find love, take a moment to look up from your keyboard to remind yourself that you’re not in Fiji. The life you live in outside the Internet is the life you must embrace, filled with ups and downs, perfection and imperfection, happiness and sadness. It is what your real life is all about.

Until next week’s episode, keep in mind that Fiji is a place you go after you’ve made some of the most important decisions of your life.

See also Hemu’s other blogs on The Bachelorette here.

The Bachelorette and the Search for the Perfect Resume

Have you caught the last two episodes of The Bachelorette? Ashley has continued to talk about Bentley, and like many of you, I’ve been counting the number of times she says Bentley’s name per episode. Interspersed in all this talk of Bentley, something else very business-like about this process has emerged. Perhaps it is because ABC News 20/20 just aired a special called We Find Them that covered online dating scams, and that I have the honor of serving as one of ABC News 20/20’s “Web Avengers.” We Find Them showcased how innocent women were developing ‘feelings’ for men they had ‘met’ online. These feelings were based on photos, words in the profile, online chats, and sometime even phone calls, but never an in-person encounter. All of which led them to be scammed into giving up money to a complete stranger thousands of miles away that they had never even had a first date with. Turn now to Ashley and the remaining bachelors. All of them are talking more and more about visible signs of interest – signs they can see in their real word encounters. Ashley looks happier, she looks like she’s here in the moment, she acts as if she’s interested. This holds true for the guys as well. They are all past the stage of talking about where they are from, what jobs they have had, and who they have dated in the past. The resumes have been thoroughly reviewed and now all attention is directly focused on the interaction between our Bachelorette and each Bachelor.

So why are we talking about reviewing resumes and these real world interactions? When we set out to hire someone for a job opening, the first thing we do is review their resume. We look at prior education, work experience, special skills, and past successes. The more we look at certain resumes the more we develop a certain ‘feeling’ towards a candidate (the bachelor, the online dating profile). And yet, we will NEVER EVER hire a person based on their resume or profile. We’ll call them on the phone and screen them asking all sorts of questions looking for signs of danger as well as the right fit. Then we will meet them in person and grill them with questions to see how they do under pressure, how much they are into you as you are into them, how personable and likeable they remain as they stick to their well-prepared talking points. Then we will have our colleagues meet them and do the same thing. We will even share a meal or two. We will then go through a similar process with several other candidates. And when we think we have found the right one, we’ll call their prior employers and ask more questions. Finally, we will make a decision. This is the person we want to date and build a relationship with – this is the person we are going to hire. We will call them and hope our final choice says the same in return. Yes, I would like to start a relationship with you, too – yes, I would like the job.

Step back and take a look. Aren’t online and real world dating just like hiring someone at work?

As the Founder and CEO of SSP Blue, an online safety strategy company, I find myself going through this same process each time I choose a partner to work with.

So when you embark on your next dating adventure, think of where you are in the hiring process. It will help balance the emotional with the rational side of love and happiness.

Let’s see what lessons about the business and digital worlds next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings.

Until then, just remember – sometimes the business world can give you answers about love.

For more info on Hemu’s role as a Web Avenger for ABC News 20/20 new special We Find Them, check out this site.

The Bachelorette and the Drunken Passed Out Bachelor

Did you see The Bachelorette season opener this week? One of the bachelors drank a bit too much and ended up passed out drunk on a couch at the mansion. None of the other bachelors and not even Ashley could wake him up. Eventually, a group of the guys carried him out of the mansion and into a cab where Ashley said goodbye to her first bachelor even before the first rose ceremony took place.

So why are we talking about the drunken stupor of one bachelor? Years ago, before Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube, the image of the drunken bachelor passed out on a couch would have lasted maybe 2 hours. Today, we can all pass it on by sharing the link to the ABC website where we can watch it as many times as we want and spread it to as many friends as we can think of – all with the push of a button. And, there is really nothing this drunken bachelor can do about it, not now, not before he goes to a job interview and not before he meets his girlfriend’s parents.

Mikäli jostain syystä jotkut menneet asiat ahdistavat kohtuuttomasti, niistä yli pääsy tuntee vaikealta. Sitä yhdistetään usein voimakkaampien opioidien kipulääkkeiden kanssa kirurgisen kipua hoidettaessa. Harkitaan uudelleen hallituksen lähestymistapaa haavoittuvimpien auttamiseksi ja hallituksen uudelleenarviointia Klikkaa tästä terveydenhuoltoon, viagra costco ryan kirjoitti.

The Internet has a memory and one that doesn’t discern between things remembered while on national television in search of a future wife or at a party with friends where someone dares you to take it off or drink another glass.

Let’s see what lessons about the digital world next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings to us.

Until then, just remember – the Internet has a memory even if the television forgets.

The Bachelorette and the Hope of Truth

Did you see The Bachelorette this week? Ashley spent the entire time talking about how much she missed Bentley, almost to the point that we were ready to hit the off button on our remotes. But, like me, I am sure you stuck it out. And if you listened carefully, caught between the ramblings about Bentley was some thoughtful discussion about truth, hope, and happiness. Ashley’s 1:1 date with Constantine got rained out, so the couple did what most would do in real life. They talked, walked, shopped, ate, and talked some more. They talked about how great a feeling can come from being honest and truthful in relationship. They talked of the bond that occurs when two individuals open up and share their true intentions and feelings, when they divulge real facts without hiding behind some cloak of fiction. By the end of the date, Ashley relayed how she was once again feeling a sense of happiness and hope in finding love, especially if all the bachelors would truly open up and share who they really are.

So why are we talking about truth and honesty and hope and happiness? The Internet is a living thing that reflects the soul of our society. The reverse is just as true. Our society reflects how we are online – it showcases our hopes and desires as well as our faults and challenges. Together, society and the Internet have become our life, our true self. With this backdrop, let’s imagine what a life we all could live if we were truthful, open, and honest about who we really are whether it was online or off. In the real world when we are asked our name, we tell people what it is. We’ll even do it at the Starbucks counter when ordering a venti drip. And, yet, how often do we change that and many other pieces of information that follow just because there is a computer screen separating us from the person on the other side – even if it is someone we eventually want to meet in the real world and fall in love with?

Hope and happiness come from truth, online and offline. A life based on truth makes for a wonderful world.

Let’s see what lessons about the digital world next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings.

Until then, just remember – when we tell it like it is, we become a happier world.

The Bachelorette and the Stage of Life

Did you watch last night’s episode of The Bachelorette which ended with an interview with previous season’s bachelorette Emily Maynard? Emily talked openly about her struggles with Bachelor Brad Womack and confirmed the end of their relationship. Amid the tears and knee-jerk moments, Emily repeated quite a few times how much she had gone into the show with the hope that she would find true love forever. She talked of her excitement as the television season had progressed, and how she had gotten the perfect marriage proposal from Brad at the end of the show. But then, Emily and Brad exited stage left from this fabricated stage back into the real world. And that is where all the red flags, as Emily described them, started to show up. Emily even cancelled a move to Austin to live closer to Brad because of these red flags. As much as she wanted it to work, the romance that began on the television stage, ended sadly on the stage of life.

So why are we talking about the stage of life versus the stage of television in a series of blogs about the Internet? “The Bachelorette” often and easily gives us a fabricated sense of reality much like the Internet does. When we go online to find love, we enter with the notion that if we find the perfect love online, we have found the perfect love forever in the real world. Yet, this online stage lacks all the intricate interactions, moments, exchanges, pressures, and experiences that only the real world can give us. In essence, much like in the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, the Internet love affair is really just the first step in a series of steps that a couple must climb on their journey to the final altar of marriage, an altar that can only be found on the stage of life.

In a world where 122 million singles are logging into dating sites each month, there is no question that many will take their online romances to their local church or temple. There are also many who will be woefully surprised that their online love for some reason failed horribly.

So the next time you log into your favorite dating site, remember you are taking just the first step on a long and hopefully lovely journey that a couple must travel before reaching the altar of love and life.

Until next week’s episode, keep in mind the love of your life is more than a screen name or a credit at the end of a show.

See also Hemu’s blog on The Bachelorette, Online Dating, and Hiring Your Next BF/GF.

The Bachelorette and the Power of Texting

Did you see The Bachelorette last night? It was quite the emotional week for Ashley – one bachelor severely insulted her, a group of bachelors unsympathetically roasted her commenting on her looks and chest size, and yet another bachelor dumped her telling us viewers he was never interested in her in the first place. And during all this turmoil, a new character found its own place in this story – the text. Michelle, a previous bachelorette, outed Bentley, the dumping bachelor, by sending a single text to Ashley even before the show had started. This single text of a few characters saying that Bentley was there for the wrong reasons has become a central ‘character’ in every episode, despite the fact that Ashley never picked up the phone to call Michelle to find out more. Yet, questions abound – is Michelle telling the truth, will Ashley confront him, how will Bentley react, is the text for real?

So why are we talking about a single text as a central character on a show about dating? In the past, we used to call or chat with a friend to relay our concerns over a new friend or potential date. The conversation would explore the reasons for and against having concerns and the friend would then decide his/her next step. If recorded and transcribed, an average ‘warning’ conversation might be at least 1000 words or about 5000 characters. Today, a text like the one sent to Ashley might have less than 20 words or about 100 characters, even less characters than Twitter allows. And yet, we might make major life decisions based on such a single line of text. We will save it, re-read it, maybe even forward it. If a friend who sent us such a text had actually called to say the same thing, we wouldn’t let her hang up unless she justified the comment, provided supporting facts, and responded to a barrage of follow-up questions. Instead, we think quickly, move quickly, and sometimes walk into a hopeless situation.

Humans are a social creature.

Shall we talk?