The Bachelorette and the Creepy Masked Bachelor

Did you see The Bachelorette last night?  One of the bachelors has been wearing a creepy looking black mask under the guise that Ashley, our bachelorette, should judge him based on what is on the inside and not the outside.  She should listen to his words spoken, his statements made.  She should do everything she can to avoid judging a book by its cover.  The fallacy of this bachelor’s proposal is that he has put on a big evil looking mask to cover the book that is him – a mask that hides the wrinkles that might appear when he smiles, the confidence his face might exude when speaking about himself, the reaction his face may have when she speaks to him about her goals and desires.  All of these things combined would have showcased this bachelor as the person he is and helped determine whether Ashley would feel a connection worth a rose.  And yet, this masked bachelor insists that he is a decent human being with a heartwarming story to tell.  In essence, he insists that Ashley should trust him.

So why are we talking about the creepy mask of this unknown bachelor?  Whether you are dating online or just using the Internet for many of its other purposes – emailing, shopping, connecting with friends, sharing photos – you can become the unsuspecting prey of a criminal who sits masked by a computer screen destined to gain your trust.  Once trusted, this criminal may want to meet you for a private encounter that turns tragic, may want you to update your bank info to protect your savings account, may want you to click on a link to a really cool site that has a drive by download (virus waiting to infect your computer), may want to sell you something that is really nothing in exchange for your credit card number.  Every step of the way, this person will want you to trust without showing you the lines on his face, the whites of his eyes, or the undulations of his voice.  He will want you to trust this book without a cover. Will you do it?

Let’s see what lessons about the digital world next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings to us.

Until then, just remember – don’t trust a book without a cover.

The Bachelorette and the Drunken Passed Out Bachelor

Did you see The Bachelorette season opener this week?  One of the bachelors drank a bit too much and ended up passed out drunk on a couch at the mansion.  None of the other bachelors and not even Ashley could wake him up.  Eventually, a group of the guys carried him out of the mansion and into a cab where Ashley said goodbye to her first bachelor even before the first rose ceremony took place.

So why are we talking about the drunken stupor of one bachelor?  Years ago, before Facebook, MySpace, and YouTube, the image of the drunken bachelor passed out on a couch would have lasted maybe 2 hours.  Today, we can all pass it on by sharing the link to the ABC website where we can watch it as many times as we want and spread it to as many friends as we can think of – all with the push of a button.  And, there is really nothing this drunken bachelor can do about it, not now, not before he goes to a job interview and not before he meets his girlfriend’s parents.

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The Internet has a memory and one that doesn’t discern between things remembered while on national television in search of a future wife or at a party with friends where someone dares you to take it off or drink another glass.

Let’s see what lessons about the digital world next week’s episode of The Bachelorette brings to us.

Until then, just remember – the Internet has a memory even if the television forgets.

What if “The Bachelor” Met Michelle Online?

Last night on the Valentine’s Day episode of “The Bachelor” we all cheered when Michelle was finally let go by Brad (watch the show).  I’m sure we all saw the signs of someone that made us nervous, afraid, and incredibly conscious of the “Fatal Attraction”-esque characteristics that Michelle apparently portrayed.  It was both frustrating and gut-wrenching that we couldn’t just call Brad and run some intervention – stay away, listen to your gut.  And last night, Brad finally did just that.  I’m sure we all collectively sighed and whispered – well, it’s about time he came to his senses.

Or, perhaps, more likely, it was about time he listened to his senses that had been telling him something is wrong all along.

As an online safety expert, I thought about all the challenges many singles, bachelor or bachelorette, face today when trying out online dating.  Despite the fact that we can’t see the person when we meet online – their facial twitches, their eye movements, their smile, their quirks – we continue to have this innate sense of alert that triggers when something just isn’t right.  Brad certainly was able to see all the signs we so diligently observed on the show.

So what do many people do instead?  They still set up a meeting in person, in private, where no one can help them if they call for help.  Check out a recent example here.

And what should we do?

The best defense against a tragic encounter is you.  Every time you plan to meet someone you’ve only met online, think of it as your first meeting ever – keep it public, keep it visible, and make it known to your friends.

Here are some tips to keep in mind –

-If something seems “off” in the online interaction, there’s no reason to meet them in real life, you’re probably right so trust yourself.

-Interact with the person online before you meet them in the physical world to give your instincts a chance to tell you whether to meet or not.

-Don’t give out too much information about yourself before you meet the person face to face, they may not need to know your last name, neighborhood you live in, your gym, or where you work or go to school.

-Good places to meet are well lit areas in good/safe parts of town that are popular- a cafe or restaurant for example.

-You are under no obligation to stay a minimum amount of time with someone who sets off alarm bells- just leave.

Learn more here.